I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
