Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
