i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
wow bdsm is so cute
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
