The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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