Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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