One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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