the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
A bitchslap is in order.
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