there's paper in my vomit.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
