Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
