Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
