a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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