That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
