marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
