Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize