you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I feel great
I just peed on a car
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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