hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
