The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
