The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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