Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
