Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
