i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my vag is so smooth its legendary
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
