now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
