Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
