Already got asked if we're dating
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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