someone owes me an orgasm
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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