we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
