five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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