he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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