yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
