My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
