I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
