If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
