we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
