She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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