My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
