I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
