is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize