Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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