Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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