Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
