Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I hate all girls vehemently.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
