I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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