you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My life is pants optional.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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