erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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