I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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