can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
