Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
