Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
