apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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