I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
