my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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