it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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