As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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