My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
