his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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