Pants 0. Shit 1.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
a search helicopter?!
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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