i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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