Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
