I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
FUCK WHALES
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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