are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
