I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
