well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
