A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
