you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There's always time for handjobs
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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