I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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