Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
