I wanna passion pit in your ass
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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