Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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