sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
