and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
