she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
