you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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