yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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