Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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