ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
