I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
